Death is not the end
the final beginning..
one last journey
to repent,
wash away..
mend?
The sky opened up
cried for me,
laid out before my eyes
she lives forever
within me,
from my heart a single tear..
hangs low.
Autumn reds drown her face
my makeup slides,
blemished by a single note
a chord or two
played.
she fall's from grace
this audience her audition,
her hope
within my heart displayed
silk and lace
this english gothic
clutches his heart..
her soul.
From 'adagio' to 'fur elise'
an english gothic without sympathy
his symphony
fades.
The orchestra plays
tears drown my mood
captured by a single note,
a chord for two
played..
so alone
without you
my only hope.
The violins can't ease my ache
within the deep, dark black
this english gothic
torches his heart..
her soul.
This adagio
slow and soft takes hold
smothers me
silence unfolds.
Written are the words upon my stone..
''From his heart a single tear hangs low
with an autumn red upon the blade
this english gothic cried.
Now he is heaven made.''
© 2007 Michaela James.
06/04/2007
'paradise lost.'
it’s here again
beginning of an end,
our trashcan whore
spills,
chokes on oblivion
terminal disease
the truth spread like
wild fire.
no thought nor guilt,
stripped
on mass,
for all she’s worth,
priceless,
humanities suicide.
nature watches
distraught,
through carbon filled gaze,
tied and gagged
she’s indiscriminately raped
to line the pockets of the human race:
earth's cancer.
the plague takes hold
digs deep for diamonds,
building upon building
every resource sucked dry,
running on empty,
gouging her very soul
with concrete and steel.
industrial crimes committed
puking vile rage into the sky,
acid rain
poisoning generations,
consumed by false education
leaving nothing
but an empty hope.
vengeance is nature’s end game
the hurricanes cleanse,
high tides will drown her pain,
ripping up all we’ve known
to late to run,
she’s coming to get us:
the guilt of mankind.
paradise lost.
© 2007 Michaela James.
beginning of an end,
our trashcan whore
spills,
chokes on oblivion
terminal disease
the truth spread like
wild fire.
no thought nor guilt,
stripped
on mass,
for all she’s worth,
priceless,
humanities suicide.
nature watches
distraught,
through carbon filled gaze,
tied and gagged
she’s indiscriminately raped
to line the pockets of the human race:
earth's cancer.
the plague takes hold
digs deep for diamonds,
building upon building
every resource sucked dry,
running on empty,
gouging her very soul
with concrete and steel.
industrial crimes committed
puking vile rage into the sky,
acid rain
poisoning generations,
consumed by false education
leaving nothing
but an empty hope.
vengeance is nature’s end game
the hurricanes cleanse,
high tides will drown her pain,
ripping up all we’ve known
to late to run,
she’s coming to get us:
the guilt of mankind.
paradise lost.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'resignation.'
spin over an edge
into that sea,
innocence
where raindrops collide
teardrops explode
caught without a dream
implode.
a sweet luscious pain
to sooth those sorrow's,
come the summer
the heavens will cry,
tomorrow will have been and gone,
sanctuary for lost soul's
lost
no aurevoir,
just a permanent.
goodbye.
© 2007 Michaela James.
into that sea,
innocence
where raindrops collide
teardrops explode
caught without a dream
implode.
a sweet luscious pain
to sooth those sorrow's,
come the summer
the heavens will cry,
tomorrow will have been and gone,
sanctuary for lost soul's
lost
no aurevoir,
just a permanent.
goodbye.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'An End Is Imminent.'
Fear
our fuel,
desperation's billion's,
displayed within,
without hope
an urge to conform
contort
dissect,
distortion inflamed,
gift wrapped with a bow
kisses and all the best
a wish to freeze tears,
false feelings
of a not so whiter mind.
The hurt
lies within
unaware,
sentiment divine?
With truth lost
they won't oblige,
let us know
that all's not well,
the book's they burn
they'll never let go.
It'll cost the earth,
the truth of the matter
we are here
alien
viral
we are forgotten.
The drink
the drugs
a life of hell,
two days stand out
his birthday and mine.
Fake smiles
happiness pretends,
drunken
hallucinate,
trip to the abyss,
the revolution very late.
Hear me now,
vulnerable
realisation,
pray.
Our children can forgive us.
© 2007 Michaela James.
our fuel,
desperation's billion's,
displayed within,
without hope
an urge to conform
contort
dissect,
distortion inflamed,
gift wrapped with a bow
kisses and all the best
a wish to freeze tears,
false feelings
of a not so whiter mind.
The hurt
lies within
unaware,
sentiment divine?
With truth lost
they won't oblige,
let us know
that all's not well,
the book's they burn
they'll never let go.
It'll cost the earth,
the truth of the matter
we are here
alien
viral
we are forgotten.
The drink
the drugs
a life of hell,
two days stand out
his birthday and mine.
Fake smiles
happiness pretends,
drunken
hallucinate,
trip to the abyss,
the revolution very late.
Hear me now,
vulnerable
realisation,
pray.
Our children can forgive us.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'script of the bridge.'
she beckon’s you with open arms,
calling you, needing you to be true
true to yourself,
and without self belief it’s hard to refuse
her charm,
her warmth,
her untold wealth,
a welcome so divine
like a true friend,
indiscriminate as she gives a helping hand to end,
over her you go, one final time
(you know you should go home),
but within there’s a feeling so alive,
a rush so high to end it all
and as you fall
she takes you,
another lost soul
to call her own,
if only you could fly
upon the nights sky,
feel free from pain
as she calls your name,
the realisation as those lights fade
your hopes,
your dreams,
your desires cascade
and as she smiles she cries
as you scream you fade,
and once again,
she’s failed to save.
© 2007 Michaela James.
calling you, needing you to be true
true to yourself,
and without self belief it’s hard to refuse
her charm,
her warmth,
her untold wealth,
a welcome so divine
like a true friend,
indiscriminate as she gives a helping hand to end,
over her you go, one final time
(you know you should go home),
but within there’s a feeling so alive,
a rush so high to end it all
and as you fall
she takes you,
another lost soul
to call her own,
if only you could fly
upon the nights sky,
feel free from pain
as she calls your name,
the realisation as those lights fade
your hopes,
your dreams,
your desires cascade
and as she smiles she cries
as you scream you fade,
and once again,
she’s failed to save.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'jack.'
A baby girl
her right’s diminished
from the day she was born
to the world of debauchery,
no thorn incrusted crown,
lifelong poverty
to learn a mothers trade
dirty.
Incapable of life’s luxuries,
twist
turn tricks
to lose her mind,
she will never know
her rightful place.
Down dark alleys
pennies for time,
close her eyes for the gentleman,
the fruit dampens her lips
she cries,
slumped
with fading regret
never to be met
as she flies.
Time does ooze
from her slight frame
as the shadow calmly walks away:
Jack - my friend, my foe,
the trojan horse
bearing gifts,
one bite
she’s licked,
good of the crown.
The opium stench
of the crack house,
absinth
laudanum
the ether
smothers an ill crowd,
unbeknown to all around
with a cackle
a howl,
the surgeon leaves his mark.
One by one they fell
over time
delicately spliced,
missing parts for posterity,
to tease
indulge,
clown around
for the price of a grape..
cheap
you may think?
at this time
richer than you could ever imagine,
beyond her wildest dreams
pleasure..
innocence
torn
vulgar.
His whiplash smile
with a flash of silver,
bounces the moonlight as he severs:
controlled
adept
not a sound
the love of the crown.
Do you believe in happy endings?
that fairytale gleam of the silver screen
for one little girl i never known,
there is it would seem:
a distant land,
peace
sanctuary
to live her life,
not the one she deserved
of palace’s,
queen’s and prince’s,
her rightful place
upon the throne:
murdered
by high society
as she was born
to a working mother,
who had her mind taken
locked away
ne’er to be seen again.
But jack who are you now?
the irony
of your ill fated delusions,
your own mind
now gone.
Sacrificed
for queen and country.
The price of infamy.
© 2007 Michaela James.
her right’s diminished
from the day she was born
to the world of debauchery,
no thorn incrusted crown,
lifelong poverty
to learn a mothers trade
dirty.
Incapable of life’s luxuries,
twist
turn tricks
to lose her mind,
she will never know
her rightful place.
Down dark alleys
pennies for time,
close her eyes for the gentleman,
the fruit dampens her lips
she cries,
slumped
with fading regret
never to be met
as she flies.
Time does ooze
from her slight frame
as the shadow calmly walks away:
Jack - my friend, my foe,
the trojan horse
bearing gifts,
one bite
she’s licked,
good of the crown.
The opium stench
of the crack house,
absinth
laudanum
the ether
smothers an ill crowd,
unbeknown to all around
with a cackle
a howl,
the surgeon leaves his mark.
One by one they fell
over time
delicately spliced,
missing parts for posterity,
to tease
indulge,
clown around
for the price of a grape..
cheap
you may think?
at this time
richer than you could ever imagine,
beyond her wildest dreams
pleasure..
innocence
torn
vulgar.
His whiplash smile
with a flash of silver,
bounces the moonlight as he severs:
controlled
adept
not a sound
the love of the crown.
Do you believe in happy endings?
that fairytale gleam of the silver screen
for one little girl i never known,
there is it would seem:
a distant land,
peace
sanctuary
to live her life,
not the one she deserved
of palace’s,
queen’s and prince’s,
her rightful place
upon the throne:
murdered
by high society
as she was born
to a working mother,
who had her mind taken
locked away
ne’er to be seen again.
But jack who are you now?
the irony
of your ill fated delusions,
your own mind
now gone.
Sacrificed
for queen and country.
The price of infamy.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'new years day.'
today
the first day?
rest of my life
so ‘they’ say..
down the street i go
not across it,
this isn’t a cry for help.
an end that must end
to finish what i’ve done,
end the pain of a broken man
of the human race
the virus i am..
the virus we all are,
can you see how i'm foiled again?
today
the last day?
my memories of life pass away
gouged.. by the wayside
world's apart,
divided by oceans
as the northern lights beckon.
can’t take this ride
no more.. not then, not now, not ever
down the street I go
to cross it is to fail,
a cry for something
i don’t quite know.
look within my eyes
you will see an empty space,
appetite gone belly full
waiting patiently
for my high,
a high to conquer you all
the crimson boils, it flows
ebbs away, the mind chatters..
endless. there is nothing more,
myself and i.. a broken mirror
my maker holds my hand
brushes my tears
takes me for who i am.
© 2007 Michaela James.
the first day?
rest of my life
so ‘they’ say..
down the street i go
not across it,
this isn’t a cry for help.
an end that must end
to finish what i’ve done,
end the pain of a broken man
of the human race
the virus i am..
the virus we all are,
can you see how i'm foiled again?
today
the last day?
my memories of life pass away
gouged.. by the wayside
world's apart,
divided by oceans
as the northern lights beckon.
can’t take this ride
no more.. not then, not now, not ever
down the street I go
to cross it is to fail,
a cry for something
i don’t quite know.
look within my eyes
you will see an empty space,
appetite gone belly full
waiting patiently
for my high,
a high to conquer you all
the crimson boils, it flows
ebbs away, the mind chatters..
endless. there is nothing more,
myself and i.. a broken mirror
my maker holds my hand
brushes my tears
takes me for who i am.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'numb.'
see what i see
feel what i feel
hear what i hear
god doesn’t know..
thro’ the eyes of my ghost
souls lost
the horrors i keep
within this night so cold.
nowhere to roam
laid out bare
falling apart
a hunger to grasp an elders wisdom
those tears frozen to the bone
by Christ..
i have no fucking heart.
Christ..
i won’t bleed no more
so tired of scripture
verse
isolated,
confused by all others
i ain’t your fuckin' whore!
to see what i see
to feel what i feel
to hear what i hear
god could never know.
in an instant
my son..
i will take you with me
down the barrel of a gun.
© 2007 Michaela James.
feel what i feel
hear what i hear
god doesn’t know..
thro’ the eyes of my ghost
souls lost
the horrors i keep
within this night so cold.
nowhere to roam
laid out bare
falling apart
a hunger to grasp an elders wisdom
those tears frozen to the bone
by Christ..
i have no fucking heart.
Christ..
i won’t bleed no more
so tired of scripture
verse
isolated,
confused by all others
i ain’t your fuckin' whore!
to see what i see
to feel what i feel
to hear what i hear
god could never know.
in an instant
my son..
i will take you with me
down the barrel of a gun.
© 2007 Michaela James.
'bleeding moors.'
Nightmare echoes
poignant
potent,
the surreal march
relentless,
crawling through my mind.
Shards of innocence,
Pauline
John
Keith.
Lesley Ann
and
Edward..
exhumed, all but one.
42 years, 8 months and 14 days late,
whispers of children,
slaughtered
taunting the unknown,
every orifice concealed
aching for the actuality
of events long dead.
Mind padded
protected from all i know,
sunken treasure buried deeper
than all of gods answers.
Hazy gaze eludes sanity
no matter how i fit the pieces,
lines distort, dance
mock and tease
talking, talking
yet say nothing at all.
So many little voices
velvet sooth,
fermenting to gibberish,
calling my name
tone changing every day.
Howling at the moon
i seek solace,
lines cut up
powdered white,
iced vodka easing me
to a beggars paradise,
fading memories
of what i might have done.
There’s no escape
fearing death,
when witnessed at it’s most horrific:
stunned silence
shattered the stillness,
my boy splayed as bones
ragged doll
dismembered
then
torched.
His innocence
inoculated,
face contorted,
the final scream perpetuated for posterity:
i alone listen
hear his beat upon the brazen breeze,
following me to my alcoholic
drug induced grave.
© 2007 (2nd march.) Michaela James.
poignant
potent,
the surreal march
relentless,
crawling through my mind.
Shards of innocence,
Pauline
John
Keith.
Lesley Ann
and
Edward..
exhumed, all but one.
42 years, 8 months and 14 days late,
whispers of children,
slaughtered
taunting the unknown,
every orifice concealed
aching for the actuality
of events long dead.
Mind padded
protected from all i know,
sunken treasure buried deeper
than all of gods answers.
Hazy gaze eludes sanity
no matter how i fit the pieces,
lines distort, dance
mock and tease
talking, talking
yet say nothing at all.
So many little voices
velvet sooth,
fermenting to gibberish,
calling my name
tone changing every day.
Howling at the moon
i seek solace,
lines cut up
powdered white,
iced vodka easing me
to a beggars paradise,
fading memories
of what i might have done.
There’s no escape
fearing death,
when witnessed at it’s most horrific:
stunned silence
shattered the stillness,
my boy splayed as bones
ragged doll
dismembered
then
torched.
His innocence
inoculated,
face contorted,
the final scream perpetuated for posterity:
i alone listen
hear his beat upon the brazen breeze,
following me to my alcoholic
drug induced grave.
© 2007 (2nd march.) Michaela James.
'the undeserved end.'
the rain..
the rain lashes down upon my weary head,
soothes
takes
drowns
what i’ve always said,
this death
creeps
into my sunken bed.
swirling
dreams
capture my desires,
a calm so violent
catches my lonely breath,
held forever
is this it
the undeserved end?
before i’ve slept,
wept
or even dreamt
is this all i’ve got to send?
colours fade
suffocate
obscure,
ambers form the embers of my heart..
the irony
tonight of all nights
when i need it most
life.
i feel it
choking
fading fast.
swirling
nightmares
capture my desires,
a calm so violent
catches my last thought,
held forever
this is it,
the undeserved end.
i’ll sleep
never weep
again
nor dream
forever
sleep.
the rain..
the rain lashes down upon my weary head,
always soothes,
takes
drowns
what i’ve always said
this death
creeps
into my sunken bed.
run to my side
gone..
alone..
my undeserved end.
{sympathy's symphony.2007.(orig1994.)}
Michaela James.
the rain lashes down upon my weary head,
soothes
takes
drowns
what i’ve always said,
this death
creeps
into my sunken bed.
swirling
dreams
capture my desires,
a calm so violent
catches my lonely breath,
held forever
is this it
the undeserved end?
before i’ve slept,
wept
or even dreamt
is this all i’ve got to send?
colours fade
suffocate
obscure,
ambers form the embers of my heart..
the irony
tonight of all nights
when i need it most
life.
i feel it
choking
fading fast.
swirling
nightmares
capture my desires,
a calm so violent
catches my last thought,
held forever
this is it,
the undeserved end.
i’ll sleep
never weep
again
nor dream
forever
sleep.
the rain..
the rain lashes down upon my weary head,
always soothes,
takes
drowns
what i’ve always said
this death
creeps
into my sunken bed.
run to my side
gone..
alone..
my undeserved end.
{sympathy's symphony.2007.(orig1994.)}
Michaela James.
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